Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
