A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
