Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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