Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i think my cat just said my name.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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