I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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