i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
