I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
