Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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