mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
