Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
