She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
