somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
