remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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