discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
