I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
