I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
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