We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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