just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
