Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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