Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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