It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry about my life...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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