I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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