cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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