4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
