i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
