Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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