I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
