just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
