i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
