Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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