no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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