I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
