and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
