i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
where am i from again
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
