he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Can I color on your dick again?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
