that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
