what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
