thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
