Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
