but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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