Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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