When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
