I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
