i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
