i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Two words: blizzard sex
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
