True but thats because hes a fetus.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
