i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
