hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
