I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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