Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
