I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
