I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
