I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
