I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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