boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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