Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
