I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
