on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
