I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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