It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
