I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
