Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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