Cold hands, warm shart.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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