i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
