Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
