I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
