he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This is my gift to your gina
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
