Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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